#IWishIWasALittleBitTaller #BeautyForNoobs
- QueenJoke
- Feb 8, 2015
- 8 min read
Me personally, I am already an uncoordinated lil’ mess that has problems putting on her mascara when she’s sober, let alone do an extensive make-up routine when I’m high.
I decided to share with you my small but, in my opinion, very effective make-up routine which seems to cover most of the obvious stoner-recognition signs.
Please know that this routine is also suited for your average lazy girl or beauty noob. In general I'd say that it is for those of us who want to bother, but certainly not too much.
Make sure you have an all-round facial routine that keeps your skin healthy every day.
Sounds simple enough right? WRONG!
It took me about 7 years of smoking before I came to realize that the smoke I blow out to chill my insides, is fucking murder on my outside (let’s just skip the whole lung cancer part here for a minute). Cigarette and marihuana smoke left my skin looking yellow, oily and just all-round tired. Add parties and alcohol (ab)use to the mix and I was bound to look like a 70 year old by the time I turned 40.
After a little bit of internet research, asking around and trying out products I came to a routine that seems to be doing good things for my acne-prone face:
In the morning
- make sure to wash your face to get all the residue of a night of sleep off your face. Don’t be fooled in to buying some high-end soap that promises a baby-soft skin!!! I’ve been using drugstore products for a good long while now and they are just as effective as the high-end brands.
-Day- and nightcream are every stonerlady’s best friend! Trust me! It takes only 30 seconds every morning and every evening and it makes all the difference. My skin gets a little revival in the morning and is sure to be protected and moisturized when I go to bed. Again: don’t be sucked into buying the most expensive thing in the perfume store. A simple anti-allergic cream from any drugstore can be just as effective. Just make sure to not immediately give up if a cream leaves your skin looking worse for wear during the first couple of days. It’s normal for your skin to have to adjust to the new routine, but after a while you should start noticing a definite difference.
My personal experience here: first few days of using “Kruidvat” Ultra Sensitive day- and nightcream was horrible. My skin looked like I had rolled my face in olive-oil before doing anything else, but now it’s definitely looking better than before the routine! And if I now forget the cream, the mirror will remind me to put it on. My face needs the moisturizer to look healthy now.
A lil' extra care now and then:
Facials aren’t just a fun thing to do with your girls! A facial mask once a week or once every two weeks is a true miracle worker for everyone who puts their pores through a lot on any given day. Be it wearing make-up or huff puff puffing away all day every day: the unflattering results will be very clear if you don’t take care of it. Personally I try to change my facemask routine. I have an entire array of –mostly organic- facial masks and recipes to make them myself. I believe this is very personal for each one of us so I would advise you to do some research on what would work best for your face. For instance: Green clay is a miracle worker for me, unless I leave it on my face for longer than 15 minutes. However if I try to use anything that’s chemical and not “all natural” my face will break out like crazy.
So look into the options! And if you can’t find a store-bought fave: why not try a DIY mask? Internet is full of them!
I prefer to use a mask at least once every 2 weeks, sometimes more when I feel especially oily or had a heavy weekend of partying. A facial is also a great way to get rid of toxic weekend leftovers built up in the skin by the way!
Make-up doesn’t have to take forever to look good!
You can’t possibly fathom just how lazy I am. To give you an idea: it took me 9 years of smoking weed every day before I finally decided to do something about the way I look while I’m doing it. In other words: I’m finally (!!!) tired of showing up to every place I visit or work at looking like a zombie with insomnia (hurrah for the permanent weed circles that give my eyes just that extra unf). So for me to decide to try and come up with a make-up routine I can actually keep up was a huge step in the right direction.
And there my google went crazy again! After thousands of “lazy-girl beauty hacks” I figured there was nothing left to do but try.
I realize that my routine will not necessarily be good for all of you so make sure you decide for yourself if it’s too much or too little and if it would suit your daily needs. If you want to do a more extensive routine: make sure you do your research! Going out to work or school for 8 hours a day is gonna make your make-up fade and might require a touch-up if you’re not into putting on long-lasting stuff: a BB cream won’t give as thick of a cover as a normal foundation and might require a touch-up during the day but it will leave your skin feeling lighter.
What I personally try to do for a daily look is accentuate what I think is my best feature. In my case I go for the eyes, however it could be that you have awesome lips and so you could go for a strong lipgame every day.
My every-day make up products:
Under eye concealer: Every stonergirl should have a bunch of these littered around the house! I’d bet my entire paycheck that I’m not the only one who struggles with how the fuck I’m gonna cover the results of years of stonership, always so eminent under my eyes. But no fear! Modern day women that we are we have an entire array of products to choose from that promise to leave the bags under our eyes at the door.
I personally opt for a two-fold solution: I first apply a colorless cream filled with Green Tea and Cafein extracts . After letting this settle together with my daily moisturizer I go for the tinted under eye crème by Garnier Put it on the places where the blackish purple is the worst and let it set it set in while I prepare for the next step: BB cream.
BB cream was, to me, THE make-up discovery of 2014. I had always thought of it to be just another trick of the big brands to sell more shit to unknowing naïve females who want to look good. Little did I know that it would mean the start of my make-up obsession (which is still building). BB cream is everything I wanted and never dared asking for in my road to a healthy looking (!!) life. It’s something between a daily moisturizer and a foundation. Basically it’s a tinted day cream. Of course I did my research and the cheapskate that I am, I settled on the Rimmel BB cream (again: can be found at “Kruidvat”) because of the light texture that somehow does provide a decent coverage. Most days I’ll use my hands and make sure it’s in every nook and crevice, blending it with the under-eye cream so that it doesn’t look like I’ve gone apeshit on my face with two different colours. Blending is key!
On to the next step, which is accentuating whatever you’d like to accentuate. In my case: the eyes! They are small (and not just from smoking, har har har) but I love the green color of them. I try to mix it up between an eyeshadow that flatters the color and my outfit or a simple catline on the eyelid goes a long way for me! The only thing I have to keep into account is that I take whatever eye make-up I use with me when I go out, because it usually doesn’t last longer than a couple of hours. Retouching this is a definite must.
If you are more of a lip girl: go for a moisturizing light textured lipstick. I find the combination of lipstick and lipbalm to be a good one. Once again: do some research before buying an entire array of just one brand. Not every shade of lipstick of every brand has the same effect on your mouth.
Another little tip: a bright lipcolor can change your entire appearance! Feeling bold? Flaunt it! Wear a bright red or why not a black or dark purple?
Finally it’s time to take care of the cheeks and eyelashes. I put this right at the end because not everyone is a pale-faced hairless freak like me who needs these two things more than life itself.
Just a bit of black mascara and a dab or 2 of blush on each cheekbone is usually enough for my taste. The occasional variation of color. E.g: black or dark brown mascara and high pink or a darker pinky blush.
IMPORTANT STUFF TO ALWAYS CONSIDER:
Make sure you try and wash off everything at the end of every day. Use a soft soap with little perfume and color so that your skin gets a maximum of care and as little extra toxines as possible. Baby soap is perfect for the job, but a lot of brands provide an entire array of face-cleansing products. And if soap is not enough: don't hesitate to first use a cotton ball and a soft cleansing lotion to get rid of most of the make-up already.
Do your research! My routine isn't absolving and holy. It might be that you prefer a thicker coverage than a BB cream. Try and learn as much about your own skin (tone, consistency, is it sensitive or greasy or more dry, ...), the products you want to use and the strong features in your face. A little research goes a long way and will prevent you from looking like a clown.
High-end brands doesn't automatically means the best quality or result! Make sure you try out what you want to buy in the store and under decent lighting! Nobody wants to go out looking like a sunburned orange because you didn't bother to test a swap on your hands at the store.
Have fun with it! Do as little or as much as you want but make sure you feel good about the results. If you feel good about the way you look: others will see it too.
It looks like a shitload of stuff to do but believe me when I say it doesn’t take up more than 10 minutes of your time and the results are SO worth it.
I am no longer the office zombie!
Links to products I use:
Eyes:
under-eye roller (colorless): ELF cosmetics
under-eye roller (colored): Garnier
BB cream: Rimmel
Mascara: ELF cosmetics
Eye liner: Rimmel
Eye shadow: Hema
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